My Island Elysium

Ben takes a much-needed bath

2008-02-14T05:17:59Z

Inspired by my entry in Ashlibrooke's Valentines Day thread, here's my Valentine gift to Ben. Making yet another cameo is my alter-ego, gay friend Jonathan. It's amazing how easy it is to write when one is inspired!

Benjamin Linus opened the door of his house at The Barracks, took two steps inside, moved one step sideways, closed the door and promptly crumpled in to a heap on the floor.

The last two weeks had been most trying for the putative leader of The Others. After making it back to the Barracks with John's small group, they had turned on the sonar fence and headed towards the now empty houses inside. Replaying the chaotic events of those two weeks in his mind, he simply wanted stillness. Stillness, no more punches aimed at his face and body and, most of all, a hot bath. So exhausted was he that Ben slept nearly four hours in the spot by the door, a heavy, unhappy sleep. What a hideous predicament he had lead his people in to! While he knew that he'd really left them to wander to The Temple because if they'd found out the true extent of the catastrophe at the beach while he was around he would have been dead in minutes, he also did it because he knew that an even bigger, more enveloping disaster awaited his people.

When he woke up, Ben stretched out his aching limbs for a moment and then sat up. He then did something he hadn't done since he was 12, the night his dad forgot his birthday --again-- and he'd seen his beloved Mom at his window and at the sonar fence: he cried. They were tears of sadness, tears of regret, tears of self-directed anger, tears of self-pity. As he sat there by the door, shoulders heaving in sobs, he heard a sound in his bedroom. Sighing, suddenly bone-weary of the thought of yet more angst and beatings, he got up.

He was surprised to see the face of his friend Jonathan peek out of the door, that surprise registering as a raised eyebrow. "Jonathan" Ben said quietly. Jonathan looked around, surmised there was no other people in the house and walked to the door. "Oh, Ben" he said, truly horrified at what he saw before him. Jonathan was gay, having loved Ben since they were teenagers; Ben was fully aware of this, but Jonathan was scrupulous in keeping his distance in matters such as that and was thus rewarded with being Ben's non-sexual companion. "How did you know I..." Ben started, but Jonathan cut him off with a look that said "Oh, please, you *know* how" and said "Wait here". Truth was, Jonathan had split off from the group going to The Temple and hid out in the Pearl station, where he could at least minimally monitor the situation.

Jonathan went in to the bathroom and returned with a wet cloth, some cotton balls, bandages and DHARMA issue betadine. Gently ordering Ben to sit down, Ben choose to sit below the painting of his Mom holding a hamster. Taking a chair from the kitchen table, Jonathan sat in front of him and proceeded to clean Ben's face, clean the wounds, applying dressing where needed and to generally make Ben's face as presentable as was possible in the circumstances. Knowing his place, Jonathan didn't say anything beyond such things as "Tilt your head" and "Don't flinch, I know it stings" as he knew Ben would talk when he was ready to.

Getting up from the chair, Jonathan told Ben to sit there while he drew a hot bath for him. Ben nodded slightly, in that somewhat regal way of his, said "Thank you" and proceeded to stare in to space. After a few moments, Jonathan returned and asked Ben when was the last time he had eaten anything. Ben, usually able to recall the smallest detail of events that happened ten years previously, smiled wanly, shrugged his shoulders and let out a bitter chuckle. His companion went to the refrigerator and put some turkey breast, DHARMA mashed potatoes and vegetables on a plate. After putting it in the microwave, he walked back over to Ben and extended his hand. With effort --his ribs were killing him-- Ben lifted his right arm and allowed his companion to lift him up off the couch. Jonathan couldn't help himself as he looked at the blood and muck that Ben had left on the couch with disgust. Ben smiled wryly and said "We might have trouble getting a cleaner in here any time soon".

This broke the ice between the two men.

While Ben ate, Jonathan checked on the bath, saw the tub was full enough for Ben and shut the faucets off. He leaned down and picked up two small bottles. These were DHARMA potions for adding to one's bath; what magical powers they possessed, he didn't want to know. He then went in to Ben's bedroom and picked out a nice clean long-sleeved shirt, a pressed pair of slacks, some socks and underwear ("Briefs" thought Jonathan, suppressing a smile) and some shoes for Ben to wear. He laid them out on the bed in geometric fashion, befitting his training as a mathematician. When he returned to the kitchen, he saw Ben was almost done eating. He took a chair and sat down.

After finishing and thanking him for the meal, Ben sighed and said "Well, old friend, I've really gone and made a mess of it now". The two men had known each other for close to 30 years and while Jonathan could say things to Ben that no other person would have dared verbalize, there still were boundaries. Jonathan smiled and gently said "First things first, let's get you in that hot bath. Do you need any help?". "No, that's alright, I'll manage. When I call, could you have my bathrobe and slippers ready?". "Certainly, of course".

Ben walked slowly to the bathroom, entered and closed the door. The steam filled the room and it felt good on Ben's skin and in his bones. He slowly took off the green shirt he'd been wearing for the last two weeks, looked at it with disgust and threw it in the clothes hamper. After removing his shoes and the rest of his clothes, he slowly moved towards the full length mirror on the door. Benjamin Linus was pretty impervious to shock, but what he saw staring back at him caused a shudder to go up and down his spine.

His face was heavily bruised, almost as badly as when Sayid Jarra had tortured him in the Swan gun hatch. He had cuts and scrapes all over his body, which, he noted with characteristic macabre humor, had lost some pounds due to lack of food and the many miles hiked recently. There were large bruises under his ribs, some of which he was sure were cracked.

He slowly dipped his right foot in to the bath water and it stung; Jonathan drew him hot baths on purpose, but even so, the water felt like it was boiling. He positioned himself, lowered his weary body in and rested his head on the small shelf at the back. Of course, Jonathan being as fastidious as he was, there was a towel folded in the shape of a pillow for him to nestle his head on. "Ouch" he said, as a bruise on the back of his head was prodded by the soft towel. He let his body go and felt the hot water and the oils work their magic. He let his mind drift, as he knew he had some time to regroup. He thought of what he always thought of in times of stress or despair: his Mom and Annie.

About 15 minutes later, Jonathan knocked quietly on the bathroom door and said "Ben?". "I'll be done in a few minutes, could you have some coffee ready for me" Ben gently replied. "Of course" was Jonathan's reply and as Ben listened to the footsteps heading towards the kitchen, he pulled the plug on the bath. When the water had drained out, he turned on the shower and gingerly scrubbed his body, being careful not to wet the dressings and bandages on his face.

After toweling off, putting his deodorant on --oh how he had missed these small pleasures-- and slipping on his bathrobe and slippers, he opened the door. Even the terrycloth of his bathrobe caused some pain on his bruises, which Ben hoped would heal quickly like they usually did on The Island. He walked slowly out to the kitchen and smiled to himself when he noticed Jonathan having that look of....not lust, exactly, but more admiration for Ben's looks.

"You certainly look more presentable" Jonathan said, understatement coming as naturally to him as to Ben. "Indeed" said Ben and Jonathan instantly picked up on the minute change in Ben's voice, that glorious voice which could invest a thousand meanings in the simplest words. The change indicated that it was time for business. Ben sat in the chair, took hold of his favorite coffee mug --it had a picture of Alex as a 12-year old on it, she'd made it in crafts class-- and took a long sip. Ben marveled at Jonathan, who had just the right mix of coffee, creamer and sugar in the mug. Jonathan had gotten a pad and Ben's favorite writing pen and placed them in the middle of the table. Putting down the mug, Ben grabbed both and immediately began writing in his precise script. After filling up the page, he tore the page off the pad in one motion and slid it over to where Jonathan was sitting.

"I need these supplies as soon as possible. Obviously, leave enough for yourself". Ben noticed the almost imperceptible look of disappointment that quickly flashed across Jonathan's face and said in his most conciliatory voice "I'm sorry you can't come with me, but it's vital that you stay out of trouble and be available to help me from the Pearl". Jonathan pretended to study the sheet of paper and nodded. He smiled when he got to Ben's request of books; only Ben, in a an existential battle he might well lose, would make sure he had his favorite books at hand. Ben got up, walked over to where Jonathan was sitting, clapped his hand on his companion's shoulder and said "As always, Jonathan, you have been impeccable in your help to me". For the long-suffering companion, that touch and those words were enough to sustain him. He looked up, smiled at Ben and got up out of his chair, ready for orders.

"I'm going to get dressed and when I'm done, I'll tell you what has happened and what needs to happen next". A nod of acknowledgment from Jonathan was all Ben needed. He turned towards his bedroom, focused his concentration so as to access the powers of Jacob and The Island and proceeded towards his fresh set of clothes.

Ben & Annie forever

2007-08-21T19:50:28Z

I know, I know, this is really long but I hope it's worth it. It's Ben and Annie on the day that Ben proposes to her.

I wanted to provide some back story so that the whole section after they get to the veranda had some context so that the feelings Ben and Annie feel had more depth.

This is the third part of my Ben Every Seven Years Trilogy. I'd written about him as a 12 year old and a 19 year old, so 26 seemed the next logical age. I did have to change one major detail: in the 19 year old Ben story I mentioned that they got married at 21, but I ignored that to provide the contrast between agreeing to help with The Purge in the morning and proposing to Annie that night; I've based Ben's age on the fact that he was born in 1963, details of how I know that being LOST fan geek stuff. The two years between Ben proposing to Annie and The Purge provide plenty of time for those crazy kids to get married, Annie to get pregnant and for her to *SIGH* die. *SOB*

I hope you find it romantic and I was happy to find a place for my alter-ego, gay boy Jonathan, in the story. Note: Annie's last name, Pallister, was taken from my favorite English soccer player, Gary Pallister, who played for Manchester United in the 1990's.

*********************
In his 26 years of living, Benjamin Linus had only been this nervous once before. That happened 14 years previously when, after he had run away from the DHARMA Village and encountered the mysterious Hostile in the jungle, he begged the Hostile to take him back to his people. The short wait for an answer had been excruciating, 5 seconds seeming like 50,000. This was different, however, for today Ben was going to propose marriage to his beloved Annie Pallister.

The fourteen years since that encounter with the Hostile, whose name Ben found out was Richard, had been fascinating ones for Mr. Linus, if viewed from afar with a clinical eye. By asking Richard to take him in to the Hostiles embrace, Ben knew that he was turning his back on his people completely. At the back of his mind, Young Ben had known that might mean death for his people, who were embroiled in a war with the Island natives, whom they called The Hostiles. Apart from Annie, the one person he truly connected with, he was mostly unconcerned with that prospect; in any case, he was going to make sure Annie was safe before any potential nastiness came down. The one thing that kept him going was his amazing ability to wait, to be patient. People always remarked that Ben seemed so in control of his feelings, that he seemed to float above concerns that most people took for granted. Ben never understood those kinds of remarks, because inside he was always a maelstrom of feelings: bitter hatred towards his loutish, beer drinking Dad, who wounded Ben to his core when he snarled an accusation that Ben had killed his mother merely by being born. While this was technically true, what an appalling thing to say to a 12-year old boy! Scorn for the DHARMA Initiative, whose stated goals of doing research for the betterment of all mankind had curdled in to ethically dubious research in to mind control, manipulation of the genetic code of humans and animals and a smug, superior attitude towards the Island's native population. Contempt for most of his fellow DHARMA workers, who had neither the intellect or insight that Ben possessed in spades. Then there was Annie.

Annie had been the first person in his life to show Ben kindness without expecting anything in return. When she walked up to him not long after his arrival on The Island and ingratiated herself with the offer of an Apollo Bar, Ben melted inside. She was so beautiful! Her round cheeks, long straight brown hair, the gorgeous eyes, they had pierced Ben's heart in a way that he would have scarcely imagined, a defensive shell having been created by Young Ben to protect himself from the hurt and pain that seemed to rule his world. Annie was also very intelligent, and that appealed to Ben very much, he who spent so much of his time lost in books, devouring them for knowledge and hints of a better life than the one he was seemingly consigned to. Annie was one of those people for whom mathematics came easy; by the time she was 15, she had been teaching her teacher about complex concepts that few could even grasp. She was considered one of the bright hopes of the DHARMA Initiative, which placed so much emphasis on mathematics due to the accursed Numbers.

By the time Ben had turned 17, he was madly in love in Annie. She had blossomed in to a beautiful young woman, her earlier described attributes now complimented by beautiful round breasts, a curvaceous figure and, due to her interest in swimming, a toned, trim body. Seeing Annie had two affects on Ben: unbridled lust and a feeling of completeness, of her being who he was destined to spend his life with. Luckily for him, Annie felt the same way: as Ben had grown from the tall, gawky boy in to a handsome man, Annie couldn't believe that Fortune had brought Ben to The Island, so remote, so far removed from what was called "the real world". Almost upon their meeting, they became inseparable; they spent as much time together as they could. With Ben's Dad being lost in his own world of pain and beer, he'd grown up almost by himself. Annie, however, came from a close knit family, there being her parents and an older brother.

In the five years since Young Ben had met Richard, Benjamin Linus had lead a double life. It was agreed between them that they would meet once a year to discuss whether Ben was ready to join the Natives, as Ben called them. They settled on December 22nd, Ben's birthday, as people in The Village knew it was also the day his mother had died giving birth to him and they kept their distance. This made it easy for Ben to slip away, turn off the sonar fence and meet Richard in the same clearing as their first meeting without being followed, without arousing suspicion. In the fifth year of these meetings, Ben had been given the news that he had waited for: he would be able to join the Natives at an unspecified point in the future, but the price was going to be very, very steep: he would have to facilitate the Purge of all living DHARMA members, be the agent of their demise. Since Ben had thought this possibility over in his mind a thousand times, his answer was swift: he would do whatever it takes, but in return, he must be able to bring along two people: Annie and his friend Jonathan, who was a brilliant scientist in the making, working on genetics and gene therapy. Richard, after a long pause, agreed and disappeared in to the jungle, saying he would see Ben in one year's time.

Ben and Annie's relationship, so sweet, so pure, so innocent up until that point --they hadn't had sex yet-- nearly broke apart when 17-year old Ben stood up in the conference room on Pala and told the entire population of The Village that he was not going to pursue his scientific studies any more, that he was going to become a janitor like his Dad. The reason he did this, of course, was because people like his Dad were almost invisible to the higher ups in the Initiative, they were just worker drones, barely worthy of thought. This attitude would allow Ben the latitude he needed to help The Natives carry out their plan. But even Ben, so wise beyond his years, so perceptive about others feelings and thoughts, was surprised at the fury he unleashed with his announcement. For the next two years, he was hounded constantly to change his mind, badgered about his reasoning, almost shunned by his people for his decision. The announcement had an unintended side-affect that he hadn't anticipated: it strained his relationship with Annie. There were many tear-filled scenes as they hiked the beautiful valleys of The Island, Annie pleading with Ben to share his heart with her, to tell her why he was throwing away a brilliant scientific career so that he could haul beer to The Flame. As much as Ben loved her, he couldn't tell her the reason for his decision and that inability to confide in her, when before his heart had been hers to know, caused a rift, mostly unseen but still there, between them.

As he stood by the mirror grooming himself, Ben played the evening's events over in his head one last time, to make sure that he'd left nothing out. He had bribed one of the boatman who ran people back and forth from the Pala Ferry dock to the tiny island where animal research was happening to take him, Annie and Jonathan there just before sundown; the boatman risked consequences for deviating from the usual ferry schedule. Jonathan, devoted friend Jonathan, had agreed to play waiter/busboy for the evening Ben had planned. The two men had walked every inch of the Pala shore six months before, searching for a place where the sun set just right, where the sometimes fierce winds were blocked, where the ocean wasn't so turbulent. They had found it not far from the Hydra station and there they had spent their free time building a small veranda-like structure, little more than poles that held up a thatched roof. They built a table for two with comfortable chairs for use inside of it. They also built a small preparation area about twenty feet away, which would allow Jonathan to serve Ben and Annie's needs, but also keep his distance so they had privacy.

Ben picked December 22 as the date he would propose to Annie. He wanted to remove the memory of his mother's death from that day, replace it with something more joyous, so he and Jonathan had targeted that date for everything to be ready. Unfortunately for young Mr. Linus, his timing, usually so impeccable, was poor: at his annual meeting with Richard earlier that morning, he had been told what he longed to hear: the DHARMA Purge was to take place in two years time, on December 22, 1992, the day Ben turned 29. As Richard once again melted in to the jungle with his feline grace, Ben had a horrifying realization: he was going to propose to Annie that night and he had only two years to break her in to the idea of his taking part in The Purge. Annie's mother had died the previous year, but there was still her father and brother to account for. After the initial wave of terror flooded over him, Ben resolved to find a way around the issues that now presented themselves and to enjoy his evening with his beloved Annie.

Ben looked beautiful as he gathered up the food he and Jonathan had prepared, some DHARMA wine and other provisions. He was wearing a favorite shirt of Annie's, a long-sleeved dress shirt with light and dark gray stripes. Ben didn't like that the stripes accentuated his growing paunch, but this was Annie's night. He chose his very best dark navy slacks, dark gym socks, black hiking shoes and a nice belt to complete the ensemble. He spent a good ten minutes getting his hair just right and after he put on his gold, wire rimmed glasses and rolled up the sleeves of the shirt a bit, he pronounced himself ready. He took a deep breath, exhaled and went to pick up Annie; Jonathan would meet them at the Pala Ferry dock with his part of the provisions. He walked the four doors down to the Pallisters and gently knocked on the door. He had told Annie that he wanted to spend his birthday with her, that he had something special planned and could she shoo her family away before he arrived? She had done so with her usual tact and charm and when she opened the door, Ben almost burst in to tears, she was so beautiful. Her hair had a lustrous shine to it, her cheeks were rosy and the flowered sun frock with matching shawl made her worthy of a Renaissance master's painting. "Good evening, Annie" Ben said, still, after all these years, formal and polite. "Hi, Ben, come on in, everyone's gone". He nodded slightly and crossed the threshold of the house.

Annie closed the door and walked over to where Ben was standing. She took his picnic basket and satchel and laid them on the kitchen table. She came back, took his hands and kissed them, saying "I love you so much, Benjamin Linus, you will never know how much". Ben, still shy around her, leaned in and started kissing her. He was so overwhelmed with feelings for this beautiful woman that he, for just a moment, let that wall of reserve drop. He kissed her passionately, his penis jolting to attention. He pressed Annie close to him, so that she could feel the bulge in his slacks. This was about as far as they had gone before, and Annie was in no mood to have to fend off any further advances. She gave Ben one final passionate kiss and pulled her face away from his. "Why Ben, you're awfully....passionate tonight" she said, smiling. "It's because you're so beautiful, Annie Pallister, who could resist you"? Ben said ardently. She giggled, brushed his cheek with her finger and turned to get the items off of the table.

Ben surprised her by coming up from behind and enveloping her in his arms. Annie loved when Ben did this; he may not have been athletic, but his touch was electric to her. "I love you so much, Annie, you've made all the pain and suffering I've gone through seem worthwhile, a test to prove I was worthy of you. I promise I will never, ever do anything to hurt you, that I will do everything I can to protect you and make you happy". Annie thought this was rather odd, coming from Ben. While he was always polite and charming to her, he could certainly be difficult to deal with at times, what with his tendency towards silence for hours on end, his rare --thankfully-- outbursts of temper that scared everyone who was unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of them, the feeling that he was never quite all there emotionally. This was different, though, it was almost....chivalrous. Annie wouldn't have expected it from Ben, but she was delighted that he showed that side of himself, on today of all days.

The DHARMA people had planned well when constructing their facilities on The Island and instead of having to go through the jungle, with all its potential dangers, had built a series of below-ground tunnels connecting the various stations and docks on the coast of The Island. Ben and Annie entered the tunnel in The Village and rode the golf cart along the underground path to the Pala Ferry dock. They made small talk, both nervous. They exited the tunnel to find Jonathan waiting. He was dressed in formal clothes, like he was going to the opera or ballet in Paris. Annie looked at Ben, ready to upbraid him for inviting someone else along, but Ben gently put his right index finger over her lips and said softly, in that voice that drove Annie mad, "Don't worry, love, Jonathan is only here to help me make this an evening you won't forget. Right, Jonathan?". There was a very slight hint of malice in Ben's tone and both Jonathan and Annie picked up on it. Jonathan defused the situation by smiling, chuckling and saying "I'll be like a good English butler, invisible until needed". He bowed formally, the three friends laughed and they walked up the dock and got in the boat.

It was a short ride to Pala, as the small island was only two miles offshore from the main Island. Ben had given the driver coordinates of where he needed to be let off, so that they didn't have to trudge through the undergrowth and the Hydra station to get to the veranda. The driver was supremely skilled and he let the three off in a shallow cove about 300 yards from the veranda and set anchor. The sun would be setting in about an hour; there was a light breeze and since it was low tide, they were able to walk along the shore at a good pace. In due course, they arrived at the veranda. "Oh Ben, it's lovely, I can't believe you!" Annie exclaimed, her heart leaping with joy. Ben and Jonathan had spent the entire day before putting finishing touches on it and had added some torch holders so that Ben and Annie could spend time alone after the sun went down. Jonathan immediately fell in to his butler role, talking the food and provisions (tablecloths, candles, cutlery, dishes, glasses and serving items) and putting them on the serving table, before beginning to lay out the main table.

The table underneath the veranda was duly readied, the candles requiring some work to stay lit in the breeze. Jonathan and Ben had prepared a meal of a mixed green salad with DHARMA Ranch dressing, roasted boar with a nice glazing, potatoes au gratin, steamed mixed vegetables, soft French bread and a chocolate mousse for desert. They had the correct wine, a red Bordeaux, fresh water from a spring that only Ben knew existed, orange juice and coffee, made in a French press coffee maker. The cutlery was something Ben had inherited from his maternal Grandmother, as were the dishes. As Jonathan prepared the meal, Ben and Annie took off their shoes and walked to the water's edge. How incredibly beautiful it was there! The sun filtered through the clouds, tinting them a soft pink, the breeze caused Annie's hair to hair to wave around and the waves provided a calming backdrop of sound, a timeless reminder of how life goes on, no matter what. Normally, Ben would be stiff and formal on these occasions, as he had never quite mastered the easy charm that he envied so much in movie stars.

This night, however, he gave himself over completely to Annie, as much as he could, that is, knowing what he did about his future. He told Annie, again, how much he loved her, how he hoped that he was worthy of her love. "Ben! I hope *I'm* worthy of your love, you could have easily stopped seeing me after all the tears I shed after your...announcement". This was still a sore point between them and Annie quickly moved on to lighter topics. "You look so handsome tonight, I'm very flattered that you wore my favorite shirt". He bowed, smiled and said "You're quite welcome, Annie Pallister". Casting a quick glance backwards to make sure Jonathan wasn't looking --he wasn't, he was engrossed in his preparations-- Ben took Annie in his arms and gently kissed her. He was afraid of losing control of his penis again, so he quickly pulled away and held her, putting his face next to hers. "You smell like hibiscus flowers, Annie, you smell wonderful". She giggled and Ben held her even closer. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world than here, with anyone else but you" Ben said, as passionately as it was possible for him to do so. Just then, a bell rang, signaling that dinner was ready and the very-much-in-love couple walked back towards the veranda.

Jonathan had practiced for a week, in his usual meticulous manner, on the proper way to be a butler and serve a formal dinner, getting his information from an English etiquette book from the 1920's that had been found in Ben's vast library. Ben pulled out Annie's chair, gave her a light peck with his lips on her neck and made sure she was comfortably seated. Jonathan pulled Ben's chair back and made sure he was comfortable. He immediately went to the serving table and brought the salads, the water and the wine, with the required glasses. He retired to a chair behind the serving table, out of view of Ben and Annie, lit a candle and began reading a physics book. Ben and Annie stole shy glances at each other as they ate, the small talk about various Village gossip and DHARMA projects the perfect way to dissipate their shared nervousness. In due time, all the courses were served and the two were fully sated. The wine had caused Ben to loosen up a little and he was strangely calm as he prepared the next part of the evening for Annie.

Ben had racked his brain about to how to find a ring for Annie without arousing the suspicion of others in The Village. Gossip was inevitable in such a small society and he wanted Annie to be completely surprised. About a month prior to the events being described, he had been going through boxes in the attic of the house he still shared with his Dad, looking for the cutlery and plates bestowed upon him by his Gran. To his amazement, he found a small velvet box with the cutlery. When he opened the box, it literally took his breath away: it was a gold band, with a small diamond perfectly placed on it. There was a note inside, folded up so as to fit. Ben unwrapped the note and read: "Dearest Benjamin: I know you harbor great guilt about your mother, but you have been a constant source of joy to me in the all-too-brief time I've had to spend with you. I grieve for Emily, but in that grief, I hope that one day this ring will allow you to bring joy to a woman, a woman you hope to marry. All my love forever, Gran". It took him almost 26 years, but that day was the day that all the tears flowed from Benjamin Linus, the tears of grief and sadness about the mother he never knew, except as apparitions outside his window and the sonar fence all those years ago, the emotions overwhelming him.

Jonathan knew that Ben wouldn't risk losing the ring as he walked around with Annie, so he was entrusted with its safekeeping. He fondled the smooth velvet in his coat pocket, preparing to put it in the middle of a bouquet of the most beautiful flowers he and Ben could find. He waited until Ben had taken Annie a good distance away from the veranda on their post-meal constitutional and after the table was cleared, cleaned and reset, he pulled out the bouquet from a cooler, placed it in the middle of the table and gently set the box in the middle. "God bless you both, Ben and Annie" he murmured, tears beginning to form in his eyes.

"OK, *this* is the most nervous I've ever felt" thought Ben, as he gently steered Annie back to the veranda. Jonathan had left two tumblers placed on the table in front of each chair, the tumblers filled with an expensive cognac that Jonathan's dad brought to the Island. There was a small plate of fruit off to the side of them with the correct cutlery, coffee and the appropriate condiments and small votive candles surrounding the bouquet. Being the scientists they were, Ben and Jonathan had planned for evening breezes and constructed simple walls for the veranda out of palm fronds. After he had attached them with thin rope, leaving one panel facing away from the direction the wind was blowing open as an entry, Jonathan took his leave, where he was to wait at the edge of the jungle until Ben summoned him by ringing the antique bell that Ben had found in that amazing treasure trove of boxes from his Gran.

Arriving back after their walk, Ben kissed Annie before she entered the now enclosed veranda and said "Close your eyes, please, my love". Annie had a shiver of fright run through her, and was immediately ashamed of it; how could she feel that, right here, right now? She did as Ben had requested. She felt his gentle touch guide her in to her chair and after she was seated, he heard him say in that low baritone that went right to her sexual core, "A few more moments, keep your eyes closed, I want everything to be perfect for you". When she opened her eyes, she saw the set up and let out a gasp of delight. "Ben, it's beautiful! It's arranged in such a lovely way!" she exclaimed and Ben beamed with pride. "You think of everything, don't you?" she said, his reply of "I try" being more grave than he had intended; understandable, though, given the events of that morning.

He walked around to where she was sitting, tumbler of cognac in his hand. He got on his haunches, gently took her hand, kissed it, picked up her tumbler and handed it to her. "To us, to our future happiness" Ben said, emotion in his voice. "To us" Annie purred as she clinked her glass to his. Ben smiled, got up and walked back to his chair. He picked up his fork and began eating the fruit, afraid that Annie would notice the velvet box buried in the bouquet of flowers. After finishing the fruit and cognac, Ben wiped his mouth off and took a deep breath. "There's no turning back from this point" he thought.

He smiled at Annie, who shyly smiled back. He got up and walked around the table to where she was sitting. He went behind her chair, gently placed one hand on her shoulder, brushed her hair aside with the other, leaned down and nuzzled her neck and earlobes for a good minute. He had planned this, so when Annie started to fidget, which Ben knew meant she was getting excited, he pulled away, softly rubbed off the moisture he had left behind on her neck and ears, and took two steps around the table. He looked her in the eyes, paused, then said "Annie, you know I love you with all of my being, don't you?", it being both a question and plea. Annie was startled a bit and hesitated slightly before saying "Benjamin" --she only used his full name when she was wanted to convey how serious she was-- "Benjamin, you know I've loved you since that day on your birthday when you took my carved doll. I love you more than anything, you have to know that".

Ben panicked slightly, terrified he had said the wrong thing. "My dearest Annie, you don't know how happy that makes me feel. I've loved you too since that day and I've never wanted to cause you the slightest bit of pain. I know I'm very difficult to be around at times" --at this, Annie started to protest, but Ben held up his hand in the universal sign for "STOP"-- "you're wonderful to want to say differently, but we both know it is true. You are so sweet and gentle and such wonderful company, and you've been everything a man could ever want in someone he loves, that I wanted to bring you here tonight before I told you what I've wanted to say for years". Again, Ben's heart nearly stopped as Annie looked frightened. Hurriedly, he went over, knelt in the sand before her and said "No, no, please, my love, don't be afraid. I want to say one thing to you and if you answer how I hope you will, you will make me the happiest man on the face of the earth". Annie relaxed slightly at this, and that made Ben relax a bit as well.

"Look in the middle of the bouquet" Ben said, with all the tenderness he could muster. "Oh why isn't this natural for me, why do I have to *think* about it" he berated himself in his mind, as he saw Annie cautiously peer in to the bouquet. "Oh Ben...." was all she could say, as she pulled the dark velvet box out and opened it. Annie had waited patiently for years for this moment and it didn't disappoint. When she opened the box, the light from a torch gleamed off the gold band of the ring. Turning the box slightly, the light in turn gleamed off the diamond. "Oh, Ben, it's beautiful, where on earth did you get it?" Annie managed to gasp. "From my Gran" he said flatly, Annie's heart both heavy and joyous at the same time. Taking her left hand, Ben looked up at Annie, who met his eyes and said "Will you marry me, Annie Pallister?" in an almost comically grave voice. Annie didn't hesitate as she got off her chair, kneeled in the sand and threw her arms around Ben's neck. "Oh, yes, yes, of course I will, I've wanted nothing else for years, Ben". Benjamin Linus heard nothing beyond "Oh, yes, yes...." as a joy he never knew before, and was to never know again in all his days, suffused his entire being. He started to cry and took off his glasses, placing them on the table. He leaned towards Annie, his dear, sweet Annie, and devoured her with kisses. They kissed for a few minutes, but Annie stopped them both because it was going to end up in sex if they continued. As much as she and Ben both wanted that, they had agreed years before to wait until they got married, to facilitate making love for the first time being even more special.

Ben stood up and held out his hand. Annie gently took it and used it to balance herself as she got to her feet. They were both still stunned by the recent turn of events and stood under the veranda roof for what seemed like ages, just clinging on to each other, unwilling to let go. Finally, Ben pushed Annie slightly away from his body, leaned in and kissed her on the lips, said "I love you so much", kissed her again and then leaned over, taking in his hand the bell which he then rang, signaling to Jonathan that all was well.

L'amour de Loin

2007-08-21T19:45:44Z

I've known I was gay since I was 6 and, like my straight brethren, when going through K-12, I had my share of crushes on people in my class. Unlike my straight friends, however, I never had a chance with 49% of them --apart from them not even knowing I existed! Hahaha and the whole "not attracted to women" thing-- because, well, I was getting crushes on guys and well, they're straight. So, I tried to imagine a teenaged Ben, newly graduated from DHARMA High and finally being able to seduce him.

The title, L'amour de Loin, is from one of my very favorite operas, by the modern composer from Finland, Kaija Saariaho and translates as "Love from afar" or "Love From a distance". Here's a brief synopsis:

L’Amour de loin is based on La Vida breve, by the great twelfth-century troubadour, Jaufré Rudel, Prince of Blaye. Tired of the superficiality of life enjoyed by young men of his rank, Jaufré dreams of an idealised and distant love. Contrary to his expectations, a Pilgrim arrived from the Christian Kingdom of Outre-Mer, claims that he knows of such a woman – Clémence, Countess of Tripoli. Jaufré becomes obsessed with her and decides to travel to meet her. Meanwhile, Clémence has heard of the devotion of this Prince from a faraway land. Initially suspicious, she soon is haunted by dreams of her distant lover. However Jaufré’s voyage is hard and by the time he arrives in Tripoli, he is gravely ill. The lovers meet and declare their passion just before Jaufré dies.

I hope I've captured the pain and anguish that being in love with someone, when circumstance dictates you can never possibly have that love returned, brings. This story is dedicated to Jeff Van Winkle, wherever he might be, never having known how much I loved him all through High School, mine being a L’amour de Loin.

The first time I saw Benjamin Linus is seared in my memory. I was 12, having been brought to The Island by my parents, who were scientists working on genetically altering polar bears so that they could live comfortably in a tropical climate. I had been on The Island for about nine months when Ben and his awful Dad showed up; it wasn't until years later that we all found out that Ben's mom had died giving birth to him, not divorced Roger, as we were told. How awful! It's no wonder Ben was always so quiet and seemingly afraid of talking when he first got here, except to Annie, of course. He always seemed haunted by something.

I'd known I was attracted only to other guys when I was six. That realization wasn't awful or anything, it just was the way it was. I knew years later, however, that my chances of finding someone to love, especially in a small society like The Island, were greatly reduced by sheer numbers: there were far more straight guys than gay guys. By the time Ben walked in to the classroom that Olivia was teaching that first day, I had already started to go through puberty and was mentally a mess due to the raging hormones. It was love at first sight, which I'm certain that it happens all the time: he was tall for his age, stick thin, gawky, but with a beautiful face, lovely hair and glasses that made him already look like a professor. From that point forward I thought of him constantly. Not so much in a sexual way, though there *was* that, but more like someone who would protect a wounded bird, provide them shelter from a cruel, indifferent universe. I simply wanted to hold him, talk to him --he was always very intelligent, which I felt I was too and which as the son of two scientists, was very appealing-- and make him laugh one of his rare laughs.

Much to my parents delight, I was going to follow in their footsteps and work in their research field of genetics and gene research. Once you graduated from high school, you were either apprenticed to people working in the field you were going to work in or you became one of the numerous workers who cleaned and maintained The Village where we lived and the various DHARMA stations. Ben's announcement when he was 17 that he was going to become a common worker like his Dad sent shock waves throughout the entire DHARMA Initiative. He was pegged not long after he arrived as a potentially brilliant scientist and there was the feeling that he could almost name his field of endeavor. But Ben was Ben: when he made up his mind about something, which everyone knew had come after careful and rigorous study of the issue, there simply was no threat short of death that would make him change his mind. No one had any inkling of how his decision was eventually to be tied in to The Purge, of course.

For seven years, I had managed to conceal my love of Benjamin Linus from all of my family (there was my older sister and younger brother in addition to Mom and Dad), friends and teachers. They all knew I was gay, but I was always on guard about letting my love of Ben be known. With Ben, I wasn't so lucky. Why I was dumb enough to think I could hide my feelings from such a brilliant mind, a guy who seemed to be able to perceive things that the rest of us couldn't even imagine, I'll never know. One day when we were about 16, I was sitting on a bench reading. Well, I was really staring at Ben who was playing volleyball nearby, to be honest, but the book was a handy prop. He had flourished in to quite a looker in his four years on The Island: he had filled out, his face had taken on a somewhat chiseled quality -- the slight cleft in his chin drove me nuts-- he had the beginnings of a hairy chest and despite the first hints of thinning hair, was simply a very good looking young man. When I realized that Ben had seen me gawking at him, I nearly died on the spot. I flushed with embarrassment and wanted the earth to open up and swallow me; stranger things had happened on this Island, that's for sure. I was totally shocked, however, when I saw him let out a little chuckle and shoot a smile my way, as if to say "I know you're interested in me that way, it's OK, it'll be our little secret".

That incident had convinced me that the minimal contact I had with Ben would end completely, which sent me in to a depression. To make it worse, I felt like I couldn't confide in anyone why I was so despondent because I wanted to protect Ben from being drawn in to my drama; it was a very trying time for my parents as I wouldn't tell them why my grades had dropped and why I spent most of my time in my room crying. To my shock and delight, however, he allowed me in to his very small circle of friends. We shared a lot of the same intellectual interests but I suspect that he just liked being adored from afar, no matter the gender of the admirer, with the knowledge he would never have to act on it. I platonically loved Annie, who everyone in The Village knew was going to marry Ben as soon as they both turned 21. Annie's parents were delighted to have her match up with one of the rising stars of the Initiative. That is, until Ben's announcement that he was going to be a worker, at which point they objected fiercely. Oh the times I had to comfort Annie, who would sob uncontrollably on my shoulder about her parents! She knew I was gay and that I would never take advantage of her and I appreciated her confiding in me. I never told her, however, how I shared her love of Ben, that if time, place and circumstances were different, I would be her bitter rival for his affections.

One day, not long after our graduation --I had just turned 19; Ben's always sad birthday, this year his 19th as well, was a few weeks away-- I walked in to the showers of the exercise area after lifting weights to find that Ben and I were the only ones there. Our showers were co-ed, in the tradition of the hippie roots of DHARMA. There were some embarrassing moments for the straight guys, of course, when they'd pop a boner because of the women present, but I'd fiercely concentrate on trigonometry or how far away the Lagoon Nebula was or Hegel's Dialectics to prevent that happening around other guys. With Ben, I had no control whatsoever, and I was mortified to feel my penis rise to attention. I started to turn around to leave when I heard THAT voice, the one that drove both men and women wild, say "It's alright, Jonathan, you don't have to leave. Please stay, there won't be anyone coming in, they're all on Pala for a conference". I literally almost fainted; in any case, I was stunned. When I turned around, I saw that Ben was semi-erect too. What an incredible cock he had! About 8 inches, thick, a beautiful head due to him being circumcised and a wonderful set of balls that I called "hangers" because there was skin between his groin and the actual testicles, not like most guys, whose balls I described as "huggers" for obvious reasons.

I was totally stunned at this turn of events. Here was the guy I had literally thought about constantly for seven years, who I fantasized sexually and romantically about all the time, standing in front of me getting a stiffy. "But...but... Ben! You're straight! You love Annie!" I managed to croak to him, my voice bouncing off the tile walls. He nodded ever so slightly in that regal way I adored in him and said "All of that is true, Jonathan. I saw that look you gave me when I was playing volleyball, I know you're interested in me that way. I'm flattered, of course, you're a very nice young man and I've really enjoyed our talks about philosophy and literature. While I can never return your affection in a way you'd like, I can repay you for being the only one to support me and Annie completely during the time we've had all the.... hostility come our way after my announcement". He said "hostility" with a wellspring of bitterness and mixed in with my joy at his kind words was a sadness and anger that the two nicest people I knew, Ben and Annie, had been put through the wringer by the adults and their peers after Ben's stunning declaration.

I was baffled at the words "I can repay you..." however, and could only manage to stammer out a "Repay me? How?". Again, I nearly fainted when Ben took some of the soap that covered his wonderful chest, scooped it up off the hairs and starting stroking his At Full Attention penis. I instinctively made a move towards him, more out of a long pent-up desire to just caress him than anything sexual but he stopped me dead in my tracks: "No, Jonathan. I will gladly masturbate in front of you, but I'd appreciate it if you kept your distance". I felt a stab of shame in my heart; I never, ever wanted to cause Benjamin Linus even a moment of pain or discomfort. "Of course, Ben, I understand. Thank you, thank you so much". He smiled that wan smile that drove me crazy and turned around to fully face me.

Ben took a brief look at me and said "Well, you're certainly not short in the penis department either, Jonathan". He then closed his eyes and started to slowly stroke his cock. I knew he was thinking of Annie, but I didn't care. I started stroking my cock while keeping my eyes glued on him. As we both came near our orgasms, we both moved over near the wall, turning to face it. There was a small impression on the floor by the wall that acted as a drain. Our mutual moaning increased as I turned my head to watch Ben. He shot first, a huge wad of cum that splattered on the wall. That drove me over the edge and I shot my considerably smaller load not long after. After we both came back to reality, Ben smirked and said "It would have been rude to come on the floor". I laughed, amazed at his wry sense of humor and the fact that he was so polite, despite the fact that his Dad was a crude alcoholic, that he didn't want our spunk on a surface that others would touch, even after it was cleaned off.

What Ben did next will remain with me to my final breath on this great stage of fools, as King Lear calls our world. Fastidious as ever, he washed himself in all areas thoroughly and used his hands to squeegee off the excess water. I was doing the same, at much slower pace, when he walked over to me, gently grabbed me by my elbow, used it to spin me around and kissed me full on the lips. There was no tongue, alas, but that few seconds is so vivid that I can think about it now and it's as real as it was more than two decades ago. "Thank you for being mine and Annie's friend, you have no idea how much it has meant to us. This can never happen again and I'm sure I can trust you to never tell anyone else. I'm not ashamed of it, I just don't want Annie to find out, she'd never understand". "Of course, Ben, you have my word". "Good" he said, a smile and another regal nod following that single word that carried a world of meaning in it. He patted me on the shoulder and walked out of the shower area.

In the years that followed that incident, Ben and I remained close. I've never cried harder than when Annie died while carrying Ben's child, a boy. We never once talked of what happened in the showers afterwards and I kept my respectful distance from him, knowing that the one moment of bliss was worth it. We had both grown to loathe how DHARMA was treating the Island natives, especially the use of them for experiments. I had ended my career as a scientist when I refused to do gene therapy to induce a mutation in a Native and was demoted to lowly janitor, just like Ben. When he took me on a walk to The Mesa and asked me to join The Hostiles in carrying out The Purge, I was stunned. My parents and siblings had died the year before on Pala when two polar bears escaped their cages and mauled them to death. He coldly told me that if I mentioned it to anyone else, he would kill me instantly and it wouldn't stop The Purge in any case; it was clear that The Hostiles were going to win any war, no matter how long it went on and Ben, with Annie gone, had no reason to side with DHARMA either. I agreed to join him and history will record that Benjamin Linus, myself, Mikhail Bakunin and that poor bastard Kelvin Inman stuck down in The Swan, were the only DHARMA members to survive The Purge. I could have gladly died that day in the showers, however, as Ben had made me the happiest person who had ever lived with that single kiss.

Young Ben meets Richard

2007-08-21T19:37:52Z

This is my first attempt at a fic. I figured, write what I know and love!

My favorite scene in LOST so far is easily John being trapped under the blast door and the totally awesome Radzinski/Kelvin map appearing when the black lights come on. My second favorite is the whole sequence of Young Ben turning off the sonar fence > letting his bunny scamper through > going in to the jungle > hearing The Whispers > meeting Richard Alpert. What I've attempted is basically a novelization of that whole sequence, to get inside Ben's head as it were. Having been a 12-year old boy once, I hope the details I've put in ring true. Major hat tips to AshliBrooke with helping me get this thing posted and especially to Ostia2006, whose fic below inspired me to try my hand at writing one. I apologize for the consistent use of Young Ben instead of simply Ben as his identifier, it's just....the character that Sterling Beaumon portrayed so brilliantly in The Man Behind The Curtain will always simply be Young Ben to me.

Young Ben Linus staggered out of the jungle, his mind ablaze. The last few days of his life had been interesting in the extreme: seeing his long-dead Mom at his bedroom window, the wonderful gift from his classmate Annie on his birthday, his Dad's bitter claim that he'd killed his Mom just by being born, fleeing his Dad's house and seeing his Mom again outside the sonar fence where she told him "It's not time yet, Benjamin". Nothing had prepared him, however, for what awaited him when he took his beloved bunny Harvey, some books, clothes, toiletries and food and ran away from home, hoping to find his Mom in the jungle.

After disabling the sonar fence and having Harvey scamper through to ensure it was truly off, Young Ben crossed the threshold that demarcated the influence of the sonar fence. He gently picked up Harvey, put him in his satchel and took a final backward glance at the place he hoped to never see again. He walked through the bushes that his Mom had disappeared in to the night before. As soon as he got past the initial ring of bushes, they started. The Whispers. He had first heard them the night he fled his Dad's house and encountered what appeared to be his Mom at the sonar fence. They sounded like people standing 10 feet behind him saying things, only one word out of twenty clearly audible. A bright white light, like one sees when looking through a prism, engulfed his head. Just then, Young Mr. Linus had a feeling sweep through him that he'd felt only once before: when he looked up at the imposing mountain ridge that towered over the dock that deposits people at The Island from the DHARMA submarine. On his first moments on The Island, Young Ben had felt his mind expand, every nerve in his body alive and aware, the very question of "what is consciousness?" rendered moot by the feeling that he was plugged in to...something. At the time, he dismissed this as part of the process of growth his body was undergoing, one of the consequences of going through puberty. Still, Benjamin Linus, to the end of his days, would never again feel more alive than at that moment on the dock. However, standing in the sun-dappled clearing of the jungle, he got a very similar feeling, one made more powerful by the fact that he immediately connected that feeling of being plugged in to something with the appearance of his Mom, who he only knew as a physical entity from photographs.

There was a rustling of bushes in the distance and Young Ben immediately latched on to the sound. "Mom?" he managed to squeeze out of his throat. The white light increased in intensity, as did the rustling. A feeling of joy surged in Young Ben's heart as he thought "I'll see Mom!". Feeling slightly disoriented, he wheeled around in the direction of a lovely banyan tree that seemed to be where his Mom was. He ran after what he imagined was the physical embodiment of her, yelling "Mom!" repeatedly, until he came to a small clearing by a stream. He was stopped dead in his tracks as The Whispers increased both in volume and intensity. Looking up at the canopy of the jungle, he got the sense that The Whispers were coming from the treetops themselves. A shiver of fright coursed through his body, followed quickly by a feeling of serenity and peace that he had never known in his young, tumultuous life. Focusing his concentration, he could barely pick out snippets of sentences, one of which clearly said "He is here, He has come". He turned his body slowly around to get a different sound perspective and as if controlled by him, The Whispers increased again in volume and intensity. For the briefest flash of time, a blink of an eye perhaps, he felt communion with these bizarre jungle manifestations, a merging of consciousness that transcended his physical body. The DHARMA video he had seen on his arrival had casually mentioned The Island's "abundant and diverse wildlife" but this was something altogether different from polar bears in a tropical setting.

Young Ben was still slowly moving his body around when he caught the sight of a man in the periphery of his vision. He froze, rooted to the spot. The man was in his 30's, perhaps, with long stringy hair, stubble from not shaving for a few days and clothes that looked like they'd never been washed. As one will in these situations, he noted something fairly trivial: the man wasn't wearing shoes. Immediately, his toes curled in his shoes, remembering the pain of cutting his foot on rock a few months previously while walking barefoot outside of his house. Young Ben was torn between two basic human reactions when faced with the unknown: flee or engage. He chose "flee" and started backing away, nearly falling down on the uneven ground. "Woh, woh, woh, woh" the man said in a soothing baritone voice, his hands outstretched. Ben caught sight of a pistol in a holster on the man's hips. "Hey, hey, woh, I didn't mean to scare you, wait", the man said, sensing the boy's fright. At this Young Ben stopped. "Wait, are you lost, wait" the man continued hastily. Ignoring the question, Young Ben planted his right leg on the ground, almost in a defiant way, squared his shoulders, stood up to his full height and asked in as firm and commanding voice as a 12-year old could muster, "Are you one of Them?".

Young Ben noted mentally that the man standing before him seemed puzzled by his question and he immediately became engrossed in this jungle-based version of cat and mouse. "One of whom?" the man said, Young Ben being impressed by the correct use of the word "whom". Using the word his people used to describe the Island natives, Young Ben flatly said "A Hostile". A smirk crossed the man's face, as he waved his hands around while saying "Do you even know what that word means?". Young Ben immediately took offense at this, obviously he knew what the word meant. He, of course, was missing the larger subtext in the stranger's question, but he had no time to contemplate that as he was asked "What's your name?". Young Ben hesitated slightly before answering, having to decide between "Benjamin", which he loved hearing his Mom calling him and "Ben", which he loved hearing Annie call him. "Ben" he answered, still unsure and even a bit guilty about the implied disrespect of his Mom. The grungy man repeated his name and with a touch of concern in his voice asked, "So you wanna tell me what you're doing in the middle of the jungle all by yourself?".

Young Ben, normally so taciturn, felt like he could tell this dirty, long-haired man in the filthy clothes anything, that he'd understand. His first hint was the fact that the man, whose name he didn't know, barely blinked when he replied "I left home, and" -- here he paused-- "I'm looking for my Mom". With just a hint of concern in his voice, the Hostile queried "You think she's out here?". Young Ben slightly panicked, though he took care not to show it; all those years of concealing his emotions lest he enrage his Dad for some reason or the other paid off. His mind raced, as he instinctively knew that he was at a turning point--his answer could very well determine his whole future. "You wouldn't believe me" he said, with that slightly snotty tone of voice that young boys are famous for. The man standing five feet from Young Ben, arms still outstretched to indicate that he wasn't a threat, was truly unflappable. He moved forward a step, leaned down ever so slightly and said in a tone of voice of a man who had seen many strange and mysterious things on The Island, "Try me".

"She's dead". Young Ben's voice was a tantalizing mixture of factual statement, shock tactic and ineffable sadness. This response finally pierced the cool exterior of the Hostile, who actually blinked in semi-astonishment at Young Ben's answer. At the edge of his awareness, he noticed that The Whispers had returned, though at the very threshold of audibility. The Hostile was all business, however, dispensing with the condolences that would be the typical response. There was gravity, and maybe a bit of tenderness, in his voice as he asked "Did she die here, on the Island?". This question sent a wave of pain, sadness and guilt racing though young Benjamin Linus' body and it seemed like an eternity to him before he could summon the strength to answer. With a smidgen of petulance in his voice, he replied "No, when I was a baby". The Whispers became a little more agitated and audible at this revelation.

Young Ben, again from his experiences with his Dad, was acutely sensitive to even the slightest shift of tone of voice and body language in other people; he had to be to survive. For the first time, Young Ben felt that *he* had the advantage over the Hostile standing before him. There was the barest hint of hesitation in the scruffy man's voice as he asked "Did you see her Ben, out here, in the jungle?". Pressing his advantage, Young Ben confidently replied "She talked to me". By now, he was very aware of the effect his words had on both the Hostile and The Whispers and he reveled in that. His words hit their intended target as the Hostile again seemed a little hesitant to ask this very intriguing boy the next obvious question. There was genuine curiosity in his voice as he asked "What did she say?". Young Ben was again swept by emotions, this time a volatile combination of anger and bitter sadness. He stifled a feeling that he wanted to cry, knowing instinctively that any advantage he had would vanish if he did.

As in control of his emotions as Young Ben always was, even he couldn't restrain the panoply of feelings that emerged from his very being as he said "That I couldn't come with her". The quite handsome face, underneath the grime and long hair, of the Hostile produced a slight, wry smile at this news. "She said it wasn't time yet" Young Ben continued, perhaps a little more bitterly than he had intended. While the man standing before him didn't seem like he had ever laughed really hard at anything, it's all a matter of degrees. For this man, the smile he produced was the equivalent of a cackle in Young Ben's people. He dropped the defensive posture of his arms and said in a paternal tone, "You should go home now, your people will be looking for you".

Both participants in the exchange were perhaps a bit shocked at the swiftness and vehemence of Young Ben's reply. "I don't want to go back there! I hate it there!" he spat out, the accumulated anger, frustration and inability to change his situation he'd experienced evident in his voice. At this, the Hostile truly seemed nonplussed, which pleased Young Ben immensely. He waited for a response and when none was forthcoming, said four words that were to alter the fate of everyone then living on The Island and those yet to come. He smiled an awkward smile --it wasn't something he was used to doing and muscles atrophy from lack of use-- and said "Take me with you". Young Ben expected a swift denial of his request but was ecstatic when he heard the words "Maybe that can happen. Maybe". All the fear and dread and depression and self-denial and anger and hopelessness that entailed living at the DHARMA Village with his Dad seemed like they might finally have a way to be vanquished. Young Ben's heart thus sank to his feet when he heard words that felt like a rebuke: "But if that's what you really want Ben, if that's what you want, I want you to really think about that". Young Ben consciously fixed his face to glare at the stranger telling him what he didn't want to hear and shot him a look that combined disappointment and assent.

What the Hostile said next almost sent Young Ben in to a blind rage but 12 years of controlling his emotions very tightly paid off. "And you're gonna have to be very, very patient" the Hostile said, almost like a schoolmaster lecturing his young charges on the Proper Way To Do Things or somesuch. Despite his training at hiding his emotions, he was still only a 12-year old boy and the body language he produced was akin to a balloon deflating. The Hostile patiently waited for a response and it was in the form of a smile. That smile, again so very awkward, contained the answer the Hostile needed. The man felt a kinship with this boy, sensing he too was a person that used language in a precise and sparing way, preferring to let a few well chosen words do the work of twenty, not speaking unless it was absolutely necessary. What happened next pleased the Hostile very much and confirmed that he'd taken the right tack with this son of the DHARMA Initiative, the hated DHARMA Initiative. Young Ben's forced smiled melted away completely and he looked right in to the eyes of the Hostile. The look the Hostile saw was a cold and unfeeling one, sealing their deal, sealing their fates, intertwining their lives in ways neither of them could have even begun to imagine at the time.

The Hostile nodded his head ever so slightly, gave Young Ben a very light pat on his shoulder --how unlike Horace that first day on The Island, when he had made Young Ben uncomfortable with his touchy-feely attitude towards personal space-- and then turned and disappeared in to a thicket of bushes. Young Ben was amazed at how silently the man who would have been shot on sight by his people accomplished this and marveled at the almost animal-like grace with which he blended in to the jungle. It took a good two minutes for the chemical rush unleashed in his body and mind by this exchange to subside. His mind was a riot of conflicting feelings and thoughts, and as he prepared to unwillingly return "home", he reached inside his green satchel that was slung around his shoulders and stroked Harvey a few times. The rabbit was so used to this that he didn't even flinch and Young Ben was reassured. He walked over to the small creek, scooped up some water and took Harvey halfway out of the satchel. Taking off his gold wire-rimmed glasses, he let his companion, the only being on the planet besides perhaps Annie who loved him unconditionally, lick the cold water out of his hand, which tickled, and splashed some on his face. Wiping his face with the arm of his wool jacket, he placed his glasses, a source of so much mockery from the other kids, back on his face. He took a few deep breaths, turned around and slowly trudged back towards The Village, his life never again to be the same.

Testing testing

2007-08-21T03:08:49Z

My name is Benjamin Linus and I've lived on this Island all my life.

These are my people. The DHARMA Initiative. They came seeking harmony but couldn't even co-exist with the Island's oroginal inhabitants. When became clear that one side had to go, there had to be a Purge, I did what I had to. I made sure I was one of the one's smart enough not to end up in that ditch. Which makes me considerably smarter than you, John.