My Island Elysium

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I know, I know, this is really long but I hope it's worth it.  It's Ben and Annie on the day that Ben proposes to her.

I've known I was gay since I was 6 and, like my straight brethren, when going through K-12, I had my share of crushes on people in my class. Unlike my straight friends, however, I never had a chance with 49% of them --apart from them not even knowing I existed! Hahaha and the whole "not attracted to women" thing-- because, well, I was getting crushes on guys and well, they're straight.  So, I tried to imagine a teenaged Ben, newly graduated from DHARMA High and finally being able to seduce him.  

The title, L'amour de Loin, is from one of my very favorite operas, by the modern composer from Finland, Kaija Saariaho and translates as "Love from afar" or "Love From a distance".  Here's a brief synopsis:

L’Amour de loin is based on La Vida breve, by the great twelfth-century troubadour, Jaufré Rudel, Prince of Blaye. Tired of the superficiality of life enjoyed by young men of his rank, Jaufré dreams of an idealised and distant love. Contrary to his expectations, a Pilgrim arrived from the Christian Kingdom of Outre-Mer, claims that he knows of such a woman – Clémence, Countess of Tripoli. Jaufré becomes obsessed with her and decides to travel to meet her. Meanwhile, Clémence has heard of the devotion of this Prince from a faraway land. Initially suspicious, she soon is haunted by dreams of her distant lover. However Jaufré’s voyage is hard and by the time he arrives in Tripoli, he is gravely ill. The lovers meet and declare their passion just before Jaufré dies.
 
I hope I've captured the pain and anguish that being in love with someone, when circumstance dictates you can never possibly have that love returned, brings.  This story is dedicated to Jeff Van Winkle, wherever he might be, never having known how much I loved him all through High School, mine being a L’amour de Loin.

This is my first attempt at a fic.  I figured, write what I know and love!

My favorite scene in LOST so far is easily John being trapped under the blast door and the totally awesome Radzinski/Kelvin map appearing when the black lights come on.  My second favorite is the whole sequence of Young Ben turning off the sonar fence > letting his bunny scamper through > going in to the jungle > hearing The Whispers > meeting Richard Alpert.  What I've attempted is basically a novelization of that whole sequence, to get inside Ben's head as it were.  Having been a 12-year old boy once, I hope the details I've put in ring true.  Major hat tips to AshliBrooke with helping me get this thing posted and especially to Ostia2006, whose fic below inspired me to try my hand at writing one.  I apologize for the consistent use of Young Ben instead of simply Ben as his identifier, it's just....the character that Sterling Beaumon portrayed so brilliantly in The Man Behind The Curtain will always simply be Young Ben to me.

My name is Benjamin Linus and I've lived on this Island all my life.